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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735410">The Unimaginable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloLoki97/pseuds/ApolloLoki97'>ApolloLoki97</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Gen, Hamilton - Freeform, Sad, death of a child, shane walsh imagine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:08:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,242</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloLoki97/pseuds/ApolloLoki97</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows the after and before of when you and Shane lost your only son to the cruelness of the new world and how anger turns to forgiveness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shane Walsh/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Unimaginable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, so this idea came to me after I was thinking of some kind of imagine with Shane. I just so happened to hear this song from Hamilton and I got…sucked in. I have never lost a child, but this is how I see the reaction from both parents. Please don’t read if this is something too difficult. Thank you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>After</em> <b><br/></b></p><p>When the world ended, you weren’t alone.</p><p>Running through the fire-lit streets, your family was there beside you. Your husband Shane, and your son, Logan. Instinct had taken over and all you thought about was protecting your boys.</p><p>Then, you had found the quarry. You were finally safe, Logan was out of the line of fire, and Shane had gotten both Lori <em>and </em>Carl out of the terror that was the city. The Walkers were sparse and when they <em>did </em>show, they were usually alone, maybe three at the most, and they would be taken care of quickly.</p><p>Logan was older than Carl by a couple of years but still, the boys were the best of friends and looked out for each other. Just as their fathers were, they were partners through and through. And just like Lori was to Carl, you were Logan’s protector and nothing was going to take your baby away.</p><p>At least that is what you told yourself before the Dead began to rise.</p><p>Nothing was certain anymore. Not safety, not life, not even having enough to eat. You had to be alert every second of every day. Logan was in your sight, or Shane’s, at all times of the day. When you and Shane went for water, Logan was to stay with Lori while Dale and the Dixons watched for Walkers. It was a clear system. One that worked.</p><p>Until it didn’t.</p><p>Everything around you seemed too…cold. You wondered if what you were feeling was how the Dead now felt. If they could feel anything at all, that is. The world around you was dull, lifeless, and nothing seemed to want the sun to shine again. </p><p>Rain clouds rolled in the distance as you crouched in the damp dirt next to the camp. People, your new family, wandered throughout your homestead, carefully watching you as if they were waiting for you to crumble into dust and bones. </p><p>The only thing you could hear was a muffle of voices and the occasional branch that rustled in the cold wind. You couldn’t remember the last time you slept, let alone ate and you were starting to wonder if anyone could still see you. Or had you truly become a part of a dying world, too lost to see and understand?</p><p>Looking up at the sky, you were thrown back into the memory of the worst day of your life. One that changed your world forever and one that you never thought you would see.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Before</em>
</p><p>Logan was adjusting to the world as well as could be expected. </p><p>He played with the other kids, helped out when he was asked, and never once complained about living in the woods. He had grown closer to Carl in the time since the first Dead began lumbering through the streets. They were as close as two young boys could get while not being brothers. </p><p>He played in the water with Shane, laughing as his father dunked him over and over, trying to get all the dirt and mud out of his hair. Sometimes, when you watched the two of them you could try and imagine that you were on some odd vacation. Maybe there <em>wasn’t </em>actually a virus spreading like wildfire and one day you would be safe again. </p><p>However, the fantasy never lasted very long. </p><p>It was late in the afternoon one day when you couldn’t find your son. You had been with Daryl Dixon, helping him clean the game he had brought back for the group. Daryl was a quiet one, but you preferred that. He didn’t expect you to talk and you were grateful for his silent company when he offered it. </p><p>Once you had finished with the deer, you went in search of Logan. The last time you had seen him, he had been with Carol and Andrea down by the water, helping with the laundry. Amy had been showing him how to skip rocks unsuccessfully. You have called his name and he had waved back, grinning broadly. </p><p>That was the last time you had seen your boy smile. </p><p>Walking through the camp, you checked every tent and in the RV, looking for Logan. “Dale?” You called up to the man on watch. </p><p>“What can I do you for, (Y/N)?” Dale asked. </p><p>“You seen Logan lately?” You asked and Dale shook his head. From his spot on top of the RV, he put his head on a swivel, searching the area, but he couldn’t spot the dark curls of your son. The same curls his daddy had. </p><p>“Sorry, girl, don’t see him,” Dale said and something twitched in your chest. You kept searching for him, but still, he was nowhere to be seen. </p><p>“I think he’s with Shane,” Jacqui said as she folded a couple of shirts.</p><p>“What?” You asked.</p><p>“I saw him following after his daddy when Shane went to go get more water,” she explained, but you were already shaking your head. </p><p>“No, he knows he’s not allowed to leave the camp. Not even with one of us,” you said, looking around, starting to panic. Logan knew the rules. There wasn’t much that you had to explain to him in the new world, but one thing always remained the same: stay at the camp. “Logan!” You yelled as you did another turn around the camp.</p><p>“Logan!” You yelled again, but his voice never returned. It was only a few more minutes when the sound of Shane’s car reached your ears. You ran to him as he got out. He looked at you confused. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asked, reaching for you.</p><p>“Where’s Logan? Is he with you?” You asked, leaning over to look in the car, but it was empty. </p><p>“Baby, what are you talking about?”</p><p>“I can’t find him and Jacqui said he went with you to get the water,” you explained in a rush. Shane’s face changed then from confusion to instant worry. His eyes flicked around the campsite and then he began shaking his head. </p><p>“He….he…” Shane stuttered. </p><p>“What?” You asked, trying to get him to focus. </p><p>“He tried to come with me, but I told him no. I told him to go back to you. He was only a few yards from the camp, (Y/N). He was supposed to go <em>right back,” </em>Shane explained. You stepped away from him, your hands shaking.</p><p>“He didn’t,” you told him, <em>“I</em> was with Daryl and he was supposed to stay put. I thought he was with Carl or Amy this <em>whole </em>time…oh my god.”</p><p>“He was supposed to come right back,” Shane repeated.</p><p>“Then where the hell is my son!” You screamed at him. Shane just kept shaking his head as you yelled at him. Just then, you felt arms wrap around you as Lori appeared and tried to get you to calm down. </p><p>“Shh, it’s okay, we’re gonna find him,” Lori said in your ear, but you pushed away from her. Carl was standing a few feet away and he looked just as worried as you felt. Shane looked at Lori and she at him and something felt…wrong.</p><p>“I can’t…I can’t breathe,” you said, your hands going into your hair. “Logan!” You yelled, but again, only the wind answered. Andrea, who stood by the fire, watched on with worry. She then looked over at Daryl and then nodded her head towards the woods. </p><p>Without being asked, Daryl picked up his crossbow and then unceremoniously grabbed his brother by his collar and dragged him towards the woods. Merle cursed at his younger brother, but followed him nonetheless. Whether he admitted it or not, Merle liked Logan and Logan liked him. </p><p>You turned back to your husband, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Find him.” He didn’t answer you and instead grabbed his gun and quickly went in the opposite direction the Dixons had gone in, Glenn followed quickly after, holding a baseball bat. </p><p>Feeling frozen in your own body, you collapsed by the fire. You knew you needed to get up and do something, but your legs wouldn’t cooperate. You tried to remember the last thing you had said to your son. Was it, “I love you” or did you just simply say his name? It was all a blur in your mind. </p><p>You felt the eyes of the rest of the camp on you as you sat there. Carol sat not too far from you with Sophia in her arms and Lori kept Carl close to her as well. Watching the mothers with their children had you snap out of whatever trance you had been in. </p><p>Before the Turn you had been a Park Ranger. You knew how to navigate woods and you damn well knew how to kill Walkers and track. Getting to your feet, you went to your tent and grabbed the gun Shane had given you, his backup service weapon. Clicking off the safety, you grabbed a knife and slipped it through your belt. </p><p>You ignored the looks from the others as you followed the path the Dixons had gone down. Daryl was the better tracker, but you could track almost as well and it didn’t take long for you to find their trail. Growing up in the woods of Georgia, the brothers knew how to stay hidden so you didn’t expect them to show themselves. </p><p>Walking among the trees, you kept your knife at the ready. Everyone had quickly learned that sound attracted the Dead like a moth to a flame. You rarely used the bullets when it was just a couple of Walkers.</p><p>Stepping around another corner, a slow-moving corpse appeared through the trees, stumbling towards you. You didn’t hesitate as you rammed your blade into its skull, kicking it away from you. Looking down at the monster, bile rose in your throat.</p><p>There was fresh blood on its mouth. </p><p>“Could be a deer,” you said softly to yourself, but then you saw something sticking out of its rotting ribs. Kneeling down, you grasped the handle of the knife that jutted from the Walker’s torso. Pulling it out, a silent scream came from your mouth. </p><p>It was <em>Logan’s</em> knife. </p><p>You and Shane weren’t comfortable with letting Logan handle a firearm just yet. Rick and Shane had always said once the boys turned fifteen and they wanted to learn, then they would teach them in a controlled setting. You had given the knife to Logan shortly after you reached the quarry. It was the one you always carried as a ranger. </p><p>He never let it go. He said it was as if you were always there to keep him safe. </p><p>Gripping it tightly in your hand, you struggled to your feet. “Logan?” You rasped out, unable to call for him. Every word seemed to die in your throat. Looking past the monster on the ground, you could see a blood trail. </p><p>If you weren’t looking for it, it wouldn’t look like anything, but you knew what blood looked like. Especially when it was from a wounded animal. “It’s a deer, it’s a deer, it’s a deer,” you repeated as you pushed on through the trees. </p><p>Blood was speckled through the leaves on the ground and smeared on a nearby tree trunk. Placing your hand against the stain, it was still warm and not yet congealed. Your hand fell to your side as you walked on.</p><p>Ahead of you, a fallen tree lay between two dying oaks. Blood was splashed across the top of it and as you moved closer, something was behind the trunk and it wasn’t moving. </p><p>“A deer,” you said again, your feet moving on autopilot. “It’s…it’s a…” your voice petered out as you reached the trunk and looked down. </p><p>There was Logan, your baby boy, covered in blood, and his chest was torn open.</p><p>Wailing echoed around you as if Banshees had come to take your soul. It took you a few moments to realize that you were the one screaming. Falling towards your son, blood coated your hands and your clothes. The sound called the Dead near, but you couldn’t care about them as your baby’s vacant eyes stared up at the canopy, his right hand still curled as if he was holding his knife. </p><p>“No, no, no, no,” you repeated over and over, trying to reach for him, but you didn’t know where to touch. Low growls echoed around you as two Walkers staggered toward you. You looked at them through the blur of your tears. </p><p>Suddenly, the first one dropped, a bolt protruding from its head. It didn’t take long for the next one to fall the same way. Out of the trees came the Dixon brothers and when they saw what was before them, Daryl turned to his brother in shock.</p><p>“Get Walsh,” Daryl said to Merle who turned and ran, calling for the deputy. Daryl approached you slowly as if trying not to startle a mother bear with her cub. His eyes were on Logan’s body, carefully monitoring it. Some people changed within minutes, others took longer. “(Y/N),” Daryl began, kneeling down to you. </p><p>“I found his knife,” you said, staring at nothing in particular. “He tried to kill it, Daryl. He missed the head, Why wouldn’t he go for the head? We all taught him to <em>go for the head,</em> right?” </p><p>“We did,” Daryl assured you, trying to take the blade from your hands, but you pulled it against your chest.</p><p>“What are you doing? This is Logan’s,” you said, defensively. “This is Logan’s, you <em>can’t </em>have it.”</p><p>“Alright,” Daryl said, putting his hands up. “We need to step back, alright? Just a bit, girl.” You looked at him, confused. </p><p>
  <em>“Why?” </em>
</p><p>“Because Logan is…he’s hurt and we don’t want him to hurt anyone else,” Daryl tried. </p><p>“My son would <em>never </em>hurt anyone,” you said, staring back down at his face. “He’s an angel.” Reaching out slowly, you gently pushed his hair back. “My soft, <em>beautiful</em>, angel.” Daryl watched on with concern, but also ready to pull you back at a moment’s notice. </p><p>“(Y/N)!” Shane’s voice called through the woods as he and Lori ran towards you, Merle just behind them. </p><p>“Walsh!” Daryl yelled as he stood. Shane stumbled as he approached, his eyes widening at the sight. Shane looked at Daryl and then back at you and then down at his child. His knees buckled and Daryl caught him before he could hit the ground. “I need ya to listen,” Daryl said, trying to get the deputy’s attention. “We gotta move him away from her.”</p><p>“That’s my boy…” Shane said.</p><p>“I know,” said Daryl. Shane pushed away from him, walking towards you. </p><p>“I found him,” you whispered as Shane knelt next to you. “I knew I could find him.” Shane reached out to lay his hand over his boy’s face and then he was sobbing. </p><p>“Oh god,” he cried, falling over his child, his only son. “My boy…” Lori was crying too and Merle and Daryl were watching the whole thing, not knowing what to do. “I’m so sorry, Logan,” Shane cried. </p><p>“Why wasn’t he with you?” You whispered and Shane looked at you in surprise. “Why didn’t you protect him? Shane? Why didn’t you protect him! Why is he….why was he <em>here </em>and <em>not </em>with you? Why? Why!” Shane tried to grab onto you, but you shoved him back. “No!”</p><p>“I’m sorry, baby,” he cried, his tears still flowing off his chin. “I thought… He was supposed to come right back.”</p><p>“You killed my baby!” You yelled, pushing him back again and Shane took the hit as he continued to cry. </p><p>“We have to move him,” Shane said, but you were shaking your head. You went to argue when movement caught your eye. Freezing, you looking down to see your baby looking back at you but without those warm brown eyes of his.</p><p>Instead, they were milky white. </p><p>A ghostly hand moved towards you as Logan reached out, but before you could take his hand, Shane had wrapped you in his arms. “No!” You screamed as he hauled you away. “No, no! That’s my baby! Logan! Logan!”</p><p>“It’s not him anymore, baby, it’s not him,” Shane said as he gripped you tight. You screamed in his arms, trying to fight back, but no fight was left in your bones. Shane kept pulling you away as you watched Merle lean over your boy. </p><p>“No!” You yelled as the older Dixon pulled his knife. Lori followed the two of you, keeping your view of Logan blocked. Shane sobbed in your neck as he lifted you up into his arms and walked you away from your child who was being put to rest for the final time.</p><hr/><p>Nobody spoke to you as you sat on the edge of the camp. </p><p>Shane sat next to you, unable to move, let alone speak. Everything in his world had just gone out like a light. The way Logan had looked so…<em>broken </em>on the floor of the forest. He felt hatred rise in him, all of it directed at himself. How could he have let this happen? Logan was gone because of him.</p><p>Sitting there, you could hear the quiet sobs of your husband, but they did not fully resonate with you.</p><p>Why was crying? Had something happened? Was someone hurt?</p><p>It took your mind a while to catch up to your body as you too, were sobbing silent tears. You followed the path of your tears as they rolled off your face and onto the material of your pants, leaving small dark spots behind. </p><p>You began to wonder if a person could ever run out of tears. Was that possible? You couldn’t be sure. You did know, however, that when a person cried a lot, it was important to stay hydrated. Looking down at your waist, you searched for your canteen, but it wasn’t there. </p><p>Dried blood was stuck to the side of your shirt and you gently grasped the ruined fabric in your fingers. It felt like a strange paint, one you weren’t sure you would choose to paint with. </p><p>Looking back over at the camp, you could see the others glancing over at you and Shane who sat with his back towards your companions. You didn’t know much longer the two of you sat there before you heard the familiar tread of Daryl and Merle’s boots. </p><p>Daryl entered the camp and approached you. In his arms was your son. His face was covered, but you could see the tuft of dark hair sticking out of the blanket Daryl had wrapped him in. The younger Dixon gently walked towards you and Shane and placed Logan before you. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Daryl said gently before turning away to go wash the blood from his hands. </p><p>Your son’s blood. </p><p>You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, only staring at the space right above him. Shane, however, moved closer to the body, laying his hands over the wool blanket as if he could feel the life that was no longer there. Shane’s cries turned from silent to hoarse chokes of emotion. </p><p>Keeping your eyes on the same spot above Logan, you couldn’t look at him or your husband. You didn’t know if it was anger you felt or guilt, but right then it was too overwhelming to bear. Logan’s knife was still in your hand as your thumb worried at the handle, feeling the smooth wood against your calloused skin. </p><p>The sun began to dip over the hills and Shane got up. “I’m going to walk the perimeter. Make sure no more Walkers get through,” he said, though you weren’t sure you actually heard him or whether he knew that he had said anything at all. </p><p>Shane walked away, picking up his gun and you stayed put, still keeping your eyes on the horizon. The cold set in rather quickly and shook your bones. Your breath was visible before you, but you couldn’t move and anytime you shut your eyes for more than two seconds, all you could see were the milky white eyes of the creature that had become your son. </p><p>It was well into the night when Glenn approached you, a blanket in his hands. He gently placed it around your shoulders, making sure you were wrapped up tight before leaving you alone. </p><p>You knew you should eat something, but you couldn’t feel the hunger either. You couldn’t feel anything. </p><p>When Shane returned, he sat down across from you on the other side of Logan. “(Y/N),” he called, but you remained frozen. “Please, (Y/N), look at me.” </p><p>This time you did and what you saw confused you. You blinked multiple times, but the man in front of you did not look like your husband. This Shane was a shell, something had gone out in those eyes of his. A flame that could never fully burn again. </p><p>The two of you stared at each other for a moment, hearing the crackling of the fire in the background. “Shane,” you whispered, your throat dry as a bone. </p><p>“Logan,” Shane began, sending a rush of ice to your chest, “he needs to be buried, sweetheart.” Finally looking down, you stared at the bundle that was your child. You reached a handout, but pulled it back at the last second. It didn’t feel right to touch him.</p><p>Not like this. </p><p>“He’s supposed to be in a cemetery,” you whispered into the night. </p><p>“I know, Darlin’,” Shane said. </p><p>“He’s not supposed to be buried in some unmarked grave,” you said. “He’s not supposed to be <em>buried </em>at all.” Shane crawled over to where you sat and pulled you into his side. You barely felt the weight of his body as he pressed a kiss to the side of your head. </p><p>“This is all my fault,” Shane said into your hair. “I am so sorry.” Dropping your head, you once again couldn’t look him in the face. Why hadn’t he walked Logan back to the camp? Why was he alone? Why had he gone off without telling anyone? Was he looking for you?</p><p>“If…” Shane continued, “if I could switch places with him…” he trailed off again and then was silent. You didn’t want to hear anymore. Not after today, today was too much already. </p><p>Though, you did agree on one thing. Logan needed to be laid to rest.</p><hr/><p>Dawn brought light and neither of you had moved, but you knew it was time to get up. You knew you would mourn for the rest of your life, but Logan deserved better than being wrapped in a makeshift shroud before his crying parents. </p><p>You found a quiet place far from where the incident had occurred. Close enough to the water, but not too close that someone would accidentally ruin the ground. </p><p>Shane dug the grave alone. Lori had offered to help, as did Glenn and Morales, but Shane had said no. He had to do this on his own. You sat next to Logan’s body, listening to the breeze, his knife still in your hands as you used it to cut away at a piece of wood to keep your hands busy. </p><p>As soon as Shane had finished, you rose to your feet. The others from the camp approached you both, offering a moment of silence as Shane bent down and lifted Logan into his arms. Carefully, he placed your son in the ground, adjusting the blanket to keep his face covered. </p><p>Looking down at him like this, you were reminded of when he would play in the blanket forts you and Shane use to build with him. The one time he had gotten trapped under the roof of one and claimed to be a ghost, chasing both of you around the house. </p><p>You could imagine the smile on his face when you had tackled him on the couch, laughing. Shane had followed up with jumping on both of you as he used his best impression of a “scary monster”. Logan had laughed, slipping off the couch and telling Monster-Shane that his daddy was a cop and he fought monsters.</p><p>You had watched on with a grin from the couch as your boys wrestled on the ground. Shane as the monster and Logan as the cop. The moment had ended with a massive pillow fight that you had successfully won and the prize? Hearing Logan’s laugh echoed throughout the house. </p><p>It had been music to your ears. </p><p>Tears flowed again as you turned your face to the heavens, letting the memory wash over you with warmth. Slowly, you picked up a handful of dirt and sprinkled it over the grave. </p><p>Soon after, Shane did the same. “Goodbye my sweet boy,” you whispered to him and then one by one, the rest of the camp began filling in the grave to say goodbye to the laughing boy with the dark curly hair and the goofy grin. </p><p>You and Shane sat nearby, not speaking and not touching. The Walsh family was now fractured and nobody knew what to do about it. The others had pity and any time they would look at you and your husband, they were reminded that the new world would not stop taking until it had stolen all the light in the world. </p><p>As the dirt was smoothed over and the shovels were put down, you stood from your spot next to your husband, passing your new friends in silence. You ignored everyone as you kneeled down on the soft soil, pressing your hands into the ground. </p><p>Logan was finally at rest.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>After</em>
</p><p>Coming back into yourself, you shook your head as the memory once again settled in the back of your mind. </p><p>Logan had been buried for some time now and whether you chose to acknowledge it or not, you and Shane were still not quite…whole. </p><p>There were days when you never left his grave. Grass has slowly grown through the surface and the rain has made it the color of emeralds and while there was no marker, you knew exactly where your boy was. </p><p>Lori was kind as always, bringing you water if you needed it or offering to help Daryl with the hunts, but you continued to shake your head. You had always helped Daryl clean his game and you weren’t going to stop now. </p><p>Logan wouldn’t have wanted that. </p><p>Carl Grimes was the one, however, that <em>constantly </em>checked on you. You could see how much he missed his friend. He had many nightmares that would wake you up in the next tent over and then you would hear Lori’s soft voice coaxing him back to sleep. </p><p>Carl would sit with you by the grave and draw or just listen to the birds and the wind. When it was time to eat, he would convince you to finally take some food and wouldn’t leave until you proved to him that you were full enough. You had always liked the kid, but now? He was one of the only things that kept you together most days. </p><p>Shane was trying to give you space as he was still mourning in his own way. Shortly after the makeshift funeral, he had drowned himself in responsibility. He took on more watch shifts than before and went on more water runs too. He had become the group’s main protector, next to the Dixon brothers, and it was clear to everyone that he was doing it to keep his mind busy. </p><p>As for Daryl, he had just gone on a hunt that would last at least until tomorrow. He was going to see if he could find any larger game and decided to go alone. He did, however, ask if you were going to be okay while he was gone. You had assured your friend that you could handle his absence for a day or so. He had rolled his eyes and offered a small smile and then left with his bow on his back.</p><p>Looking out over the quarry, you heard footsteps and you didn’t need to turn around to see who it was. </p><p>Shane joined you on the ground, leaning back on his forearms. “Glenn is heading out with some others for a run,” Shane said. </p><p>“In the city?” You asked, keeping your eyes forward. </p><p>“Yeah, I guess they’re takin’ Merle this time. T-Dog isn’t thrilled,” Shane sighed. </p><p>“Are you going with them?” You asked. </p><p>“No,” Shane said and then paused. “Did you want me to?” It was silent for a moment before you shook your head. </p><p>“No, we need you here,” you whispered. Shane sat up straighter, folding his legs beneath him. You could see him out of the corner of your eye as he looked over at you, trying to see your face. </p><p>“I don’t know how many more times I can apologize, (Y/N),” Shane said after a moment, his eyes void of tears now. “I can’t stop thinking about that day and if I had just <em>let </em>him come with me or taken him back myself… I don’t know how to stop wondering about what I should have done.” </p><p>“He was stubborn,” you said. “He would have found a way to follow you anyways.” Shane’s mouth fell slightly open at your words, not expecting you to defend his actions. </p><p>“It should’ve been me.<em> I</em> should be the one lying in the ground and if I was, then he would be here next to you and you would be smiling.” </p><p>“No,” you shook your head, finally looking at him. “I <em>would </em>have Logan, but I <em>wouldn’t </em>have you. Do you honestly think I would be happy about that?”</p><p>“He was your baby,” Shane reasoned. </p><p>“And you are my…you are my person, Shane. I would <em>never </em>wish you to die, no matter how angry or sad I am. <em>Never</em>.” Shane let out a breath, letting your words sink in. He nodded silently. </p><p>“I <em>had </em>thought about joining in on the run,” he admitted, “but I’m staying right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You returned the gesture and looked out at the grave again. </p><p>“He’s <em>gone</em>, Shane,” you whispered, your fingers playing with the grass. </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“He would have liked it here, don’t you think? It’s so quiet.” </p><p>“Yeah, he would have,” said Shane. “Baby, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know that I never…” he once again let the words fizzle out, staring down at his hands. </p><p>Slowly, you reached over and placed your hand on top of his, touching him for the first time in a long time. Shane froze beneath your touch and then just as slow, laced your fingers with his. </p><p>“Please don’t leave me,” you choked out and looked back at him, desperation in your eyes. Shane shook his head and then leaned in, kissing you softly. You let it happen, finding peace in the feel of his lips on yours.</p><p>“Never, Darlin’,” Shane whispered. “I’m never leavin’ you.” </p><p>Curling up in his arms, the two of you sat there in the shadow of Logan’s grave, trying to feel the presence of your boy. Looking down at your boots, you noticed a small stem pushing its way through the emerald-green grass. The beginnings of a wildflower. </p><p>Staring at the start of new life, you leaned against your person and you smiled.</p>
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